THIS IS FUNNY!!!

This was on a guys profile.

XXXXX  (NO ID NAMES LISTED) is married and has kids!!!!contact his wife! # one seven # one three zero 1 nine nine. I took his last profile to his house to show her!! This is his fifth different profile since he tried to hook up with me! He doesn't even look like this anymore.
The number signs have replaced actual numbers as to not identifiy this guy. I went to read the guys profile and this was on it....WTH!!! I laughed and thought I would share....is he being REALLY FUNNY or has someone hacked his account and he just doesn't know it!!!

oh well, on  to the next one.....

This is FUNNY!!!! **I stole this from a guy's profile**

Hello everyone,
I'm a 34 year old catch that lives with my mom and is looking for someone to replace her or atleast transition into working along side her to bide for my affection. I've never had a girlfriend per se but I never really started noticing girls until I overcame my porn addiction last year.
I've been trying to get my GED and then DeVry University here I come! My dream is to sell the ultimate video game idea and live off the royalties. I have this really cool idea about this boy who fights with a sabre of light and chooses the dark side of things and grows up to have twins with a queen who dies in child birth. Well the boy twin later learns the dark guy is his father and fights him and looses a hand. Yet he still believes in his dad and ultimately redeems him in the end and overthrows the dark side of things. And there is this little green guy with pointy ears and-well you get the idea. Feedback would be appreciated.
What makes me unique? I've never been arrested-in this county, I shower once a week, I can eat my own dandriff, and I like dining in the nude. My ultimate first date would be wherever mom feels like driving us to. She usually prefers Denny's.

Now, if you have made it this far, you are a very patient and accepting person. Just what I need :) Obviously all of the above was B.S. Aside from a few quirks I'm a great guy to hang out with. Let's chat!

Mr Determined

I have been talking to a guy that seems really nice. I have known from the beginning it is not going to work but he seemed like a guy that would be a great friend.

I started talking to him yesterday. During the course of the conversation he asked about the guys I have met on the site so I explained that I have a blog to share about the crazies!!! At this point he let me know he was determined to make the blog......I believe his thoughts were to be a Non - Crazy...but I don't think it would work.

Today my niece was born. This is a very special time in our family. It is exciting, intense, and emotional experience. I posted updates on my facebook page and personal touches or reaching out to people were to my family and REALLY CLOSE friends!!!   I am emotionally drained and physically tired and close friends and family are all I have really wanted to talk to.......and the I get this message from this guy that I talk to for the first time yesterday that said, "You obviously don't like me because I have not heard from you and I am just wanting to know about your niece." REALLY!!! Yesterday I thought he was joking about some things and he made it known that he was not joking. If I wasn't too tired and emotionally drained I think I might have replied back...SERIOUSLY!!!!  and then explode on him about my day and how I really only want my family and closest friends around me today. However, since I am tired and emotionally drained I am going to ignore this message.

In Box is Full ~~~~ of the same ole stuff!!!

The Momma's boy has sent a message with his phone number wanting to me to call him...I don't know if I have mentioned him but he lives with his mom and does not have a job. He also has already told  me he is need major dental work done.

HOTDADDY!!! or so he calls himself. He is the 55 year old guy that is married and is looking for a good time. My profile title is "Texas Girl looking for a Texas Boy" and he replies today with "what about a Texas Man. I am in such a mood that I want to reply "You mean a Texas Grandpa" but once again I will just ignore his message...

more guys not from Texas......

The best one today!!!!!!! He put in his profile that he weighs 116 pounds...REALLY!!! Okay so I am not willing to put my weight on this site...but it is safe to say that you can look at me and know that I am not 116 pounds....why would a guy brag about that on his profile!! Yeah definitely a Kermit!! *on to the next*

Dear Santa We Need to Talk!!!!

I know that I recently wrote to you on facebook that I wanted the Exhilarate Zumba DVD's and a dear friend provided those instead....

So I decided that I have not because I ask not....so I asked for a Diamond Ring for that finger....(you know the one) but it dawned on me this morning that we need to talk.......The guy behind that ring has to be worth having....and needs to be from Texas.....you know what I like........

I am afraid that the guy that just messaged me will not due.......While his below is funny.....I am looking for someone a little different...


hi how r u, hows ur day, u r so beautifull nd sexy, really i like u, if u smile u look more beautifull, i send u one smile,
one small kid write to santa clause
SEND ME A BROTHER
santa wrote back
SEND ME UR MOTHER

Police Officer Returns - almost a year later!!

Today I got a message from the Police Officer that wanted me to come over to his house before meeting him. (You remember - the one that wanted to meet me at the back of the Wal-Mart parking lot with no bra on - CRAZY!!!)


Well, almost a year later and he sends me a message to ask me how I am doing. I respond Okay and ask him how he is doing. He eventually tells me that we should meet up tonight. Honestly this sounds good just to be doing something different and not be alone so I asked where.....He responds his house. I reply "Not going to happen" I haven't heard a word from him since.

I wonder if we will be doing this dance a year from now.....Guess he thought I changed my mind!!

Mr Texas Football = Done

I keep trying to talk to him but all I get out of him is:

You like bowling?
You are an angel today
I like bowling?
You like Southlake football?
I like bowling
I like Southlake football
I like cat
Go Horn

Serioiusly this is how are conversations go and I have answered the same questions SEVERAL times!!!!

Mr Texas Football

I have gotten tired of the guys that have chosen to message me. I was looking through profiles and I saw this guys pic.....he has a buzz cut and a cute smile....So I took it upon myself to say hi.

He seems really nice....It is refreshing.....The only thing is all we have been able to talk about so far is Texas Football. Don't get me wrong I don't mind the subject AT ALL!!! It is just that I am REALLY wanting to get to know a guy that seems like a gentleman and it is hard to get to know him if all he is talking about  is football...............uuuuuggghhhh.....

This is a definite "We Shall See!!

****I was able to find out that he enjoys going to church every week on Sat nights!!! As do I!!****

Another One Bites the Dust

You've heard the song right http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQwJso11Phc&feature=related


Well I am thinking that describes my attempts to meet someone.

I will admit I was a little excited I got a message from a guy that was willing to meet me in public....so of course I had to say yes...

I get there and realize he is skinny and no Texas boy. Okay so I really like Texas boys and one of the many things I like about is the TEXAS TWANG!!! **yeah...I probably shouldn't admit this but I dream of laying next to Matthew McConughey letting him read to me.......I could do that all day long!!!**

This guy not only had no Texas Twang we have NOTHING in common. My family lives close and we stay connected and his is scattered. I was born and raised in Texas and he has seen a variety of places.

As we tried to talk about what we might have in common nothing came up. Oh, and add on we look like Miss Piggy and Kermit.

Then you add that we get to the table and "my friend would be sooo proud" I let him go to the table first and he pulled out the chair I wanted....and moved it to the other side of the table and told me to get a chair..

When we got to the end of the of this meeting he asked me if we could go some where else to talk or maybe cuddle. I explained that I needed to go home. He wanted to walk me to my car. We kept bumping into each other and I noticed that his elbow kept hitting my chest....and then he pointed this out. It was not a good time. I was COMPLETELY bored and if I talked about the things I am REALLY interested in he would have been just as bored. He isn't wanting to hang out with me....he is wanting to put up with me while he feels of my boobs!!!

***ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST***

I Just Went Off on Some Poor Unsupecting Guy!!

The last couple of weeks I have felt bombarded by guys offering friends with benefits, NSA, and a relationship full of the benefits of a committed relationship with out the commitment (because the guy would call it by name) I also had the guy that just let me know he wanted to get into my panties.

Tonight a guy I had not talked to in 6 months popped in to talk. I thought well maybe he has finally come around. He originally told me we could meet up at Flying Saucer (yes he is Flying Saucer guy) but when he was in the area he didn't invite me out he called to see if he could come over. I let him know I wasn't interested in that and he stopped popping in to chat. He popped in tonight letting me know that his roommate is out and he is alone. I don't believe people should try to be mind readers but I could see where this was going so I said, ".....so you are wanting someone to come over and keep you company so you message me....". His response, "Well I was hoping you might have changed your mind about wanting to come over". I asked him if we had met in public yet.....of course the answer is no so I made it known I had not changed my mind and went on to explain.

 IF YOU CAN NOT MEET ME IN PUBLIC...OUT JUST ENJOYING A COMMON INTEREST WE WILL NEVER MEET ALONE!!!!! AND I WILL NOT CHANGE MY MIND SO PLEASE DO NOT POP IN IF THAT IS ALL YOU ARE WANTING!!! I DON'T MIND TALKING TO YOU ABOUT COMMON INTEREST BUT I WILL NOT DISCUSS MEETING ALONE OR ANYTHING THAT HAS TO DO WITH THAT!!!
sorry for the caps I am just a little frustrated this week I realize you don't understand that you are about the 6th guy in a week that wants nothing more than a fun evening but you are and what guys tell a girl when they have done what you have just done is you are not WORTH my time or love.....YOU ARE ONLY WORTH BEING USED!! and I WILL NOT ACCEPT THAT ANY MORE!! I know that is not what you have said but your actions speak louder than words!!!

I really didn't mean to go off on this poor guy and I feel kinda bad...but I am not going to apologize. I am not going to back down....It is hard to think that in this loneliness that I am feeling that I am choosing this pain but I am!!! I can't believe it...the pain hurts....but I would rather experience the pain alone than longing to love and be loved and settling for just having someone around!!!!!!!!!!

Man, this is going to be HARD!!! but here I go at alone!!! and content in that until I find someone worth hanging out with.....

stay tuned!!! This promises to only provide more material for this blog!!

55 and MARRIED

I normally don't like to use anything that the guy uses to define himself but this cracked me up.....

Hot Daddy

The Graduate

His idea of a first date:

Let's just go to Fuzzy's. It's too hot to get all dressed up. Besides, their chips and queso is awesome !

That is AWESOME!!!!! Never been to Fuzzy's...don't know what that is like....but I understand the too hot to get all dressed up!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reminds Me of the Parking Lot Incident

I don't normally do this, but I felt compelled to tell you something. You have an ABSOLUTELY breath-taking... chest!! I mean, that thing's good. I wanna be friends with it


I just keep seeing myself back in the parking lot with that guys head on my chest.....thinking does anyone see this crazy fool............this date did not go that great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and I am not a PDA kinda person.....so that date would have needed to be over the top wonderful....and I was just glad it was over and we were headed to our cars.....

****I felt like responding to this.....so it is below****

While I do appricate honesty..........
I do see a problem......see......to make friends with my chest you have to be WAY more than just FRIENDS with me.....
and your statement has already made it clear you have no interst in me as a person.....so..........
I recommend...if you want to make friends with a girls chest you try making friends with her first....just a suggestion....

He is 53!!!!!

This guy sends me a message every once in a while.....He is 53.....I already have a Dad...... I don't need another one!!!!

Smiling...this thing had me Laughing Out Loud!!!!!!

This is funny!!! and VERY CREATIVE!!!  but I just want a guy that can say..."hi, how are you....my name is ___ and I would like to get to know you!!"

Dear Postman,

If this email gets lost send it directly to Heaven cuz it's meant for an Angel! ^i^

Corny? Heck yeah!......BUT I Thought it sounded better than "Uh, duh, whatcha wearing" as an ice breaker. lol Anyway, liked your profile.....say hi sometime if you'd like.
Hope this found you smiling. @--,---,-----

Wanna Play Guy = Wanna be Slave Guy

So Wanna Play Guy popped in wanting to be my slave. His exact words:

Him: Long time no talk. Want a slave yet :)
Me: HAHA!!!! NAH!!!
Him: Damn, lol. I wish you would. You are so damn hot :)

The thing that gets me the most is "is this supposed to be a compliment" because it doesn't make me feel good....

it just makes me feel that much LONELIER!!! I am looking for someone I can do life with and have a good time experiancing life....and this is ALL I get!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This Type of Message JUST STINKS!!!

I want a guy that can offer his hand and look me in the eye!!!!!

This type of message says: "I am looking at my feet while I shuffle them around and if I offer my hand it is weak!!!"

:) hi! sorry for what is probably just another random message but id love to chat if you'd like! sorry to bother you if not!

FEELS LIKE SOMETHING RIGHT OFF A REALITY SHOW!!!

Below is a message I received tonight. My first thought is this guy for real....My next thoughts are if he is I can tell you right now he is not someone I want to be with.....

I want a guy that loves me for who I am........My desire is for a long steady relationship that consist of encouraging each other to live the abudant life that God desires for us to have no matter what my size....

*****LOVE IS NOT GAZING INTO THE EYES OF EACH OTHER, BUT RATHER LOOKING FORWARD IN THE SAME DIRECTION*****

This guys proposal is not the direction I am looking forward too.....

Hi there :) My name is ****no names used here****, Im from NH. I must say you are very cute :) Im lookin to have fun, chat and maybe meet - lookin for a friend basically. I am a fan of bbw.... I'm also kinda a guy that jumps right into things - so i'll tell you right away what kind of friendship Im lookin for :)

First, I'm looking for a girl who loves her curves - loves everything about being big and a bbw....I'm also looking for someone who loves to chat online and likes to have a guy admire them ;) Someone who likes to be spoiled a lil - I would adore the idea of buying you good food and gifts of course cute clothes :) Essentially, im lookin for a girl that loves being big, wants to get bigger, and wants to be rewarded for it!

I’d be happy to talk n get to know you,i have pics too :) Hope to hear from you soon!

He's a Biter!!!!

I have never talked to this guy before EVER!!! I have not even seen his profile on line and this is the first message he sends me.

"wow...Id probably bite you lol "

Thanks for the warning......on to the next one!!!!!!

The Nice Guy

So his profie says that he is a nice guy and this is what he had to say!!!

Him:  u still have not found anyone yet?  lol
ME:  what an opening line...
ME:  and you're a nice man..
Him:  guess u dont remember us talking before
Him:  i am a nice man
ME:  hard to remember a profile without a pic
Him:  clear those cobwebs out, and open those legs, and u might just end up finding someone. hahahahahahahaha    :0
*** His' IC window is closed
ME:  OMG!!!

Yeah Coward got off before I could respond!!!!!!!!!!

.....and he is now blocked and will not bother me in the future!!!!!!!!!!